Leapin Lizards-TV Watch

Heroes/ Shanghai Kiss Rant

I watched my tape of "Heroes" last night. It was the second episode of the season. I have to admit that while it entertained me, that show often makes odd choices. For example, Claire deciding to cut off her pinky toe in hopes of lizard regeneration. Sure, it's frustrating hiding your identity and you are an angsty teenager. And I would be curious about the boundaries to my abilities too. However, it's very erratic to just decide hey, I'm going to cut my toe off with a pair of scissors while Mr. Muggles stares at himself at the height of doggy narcism. I found myself rooting for her toe to not grow back and then having to watch the fallout of horn rimmed glasses having to explain to doctors why his daughter cut her toe off.

It doesn't help that I went to a movie screening in NYC for "Shanghai Kiss" earlier this week staring none other than Hayden Panettiere (which I hear means "baker" in French) and she was dreadful. This may have not been completely her fault. The writer/director may have told her "I want you to play a 16 year old with sunny smile, perky disposition, and say a lot of high pitched baby talk." In that case, she is in the clear. But if not, I abhor baby talk. I think a lot of people share my view. It's pointless, annoying, and when the high pitched sound is amped up in a movie theater, can probably be used as torture for prisoners of war one day. For those of you who aren't aware of the straight to DVD gem that is "Shanghai Kiss", the basic plot is that an Asian American actor (played by Ken Leung soon to be "Lost") is rather aimless and not finding a lot of luck in his life in LA. He strikes up a friendship with this cutesy blonde high schooler and while she calls him her boyfriend, he just drives her to school and eats her brownies and laments her age. He is 29 and this whole relationship is ridiculously creepy. It's even worse than the suspected real life romance between Hayden and Milo Ventimiglia (who is much better shape than I ever would have imagined-see episode 2 season 2). The two never kiss on the mouth once in the movie and even share a scene where he noticeably cringes when she leans towards his mouth. My take is that their relationship has not become physical beyond the hand holding, dancing, hugging stage. But back to the plot - the main guy's grandmother dies and she leaves him a house in Shanghai. He goes to Shanghai to sell the house thinking he will get $500,000 US for it but in fact it is 500,000 yuan which amounts to about $60,000 US. Oh the monetary conversion misunderstandings!! It's like "Three's Company" for world travellers! While in Shanghai, he suddenly discovers he has no problem bedding Asian women despite the fact it's hinted that he has an aversion to them in LA and tends to go for busty blondes. In Shanghai, he meets the very lovely Kelly Hu (who for some reason is starting look less Asian these days but I cannot put my finger on why. is it the hair? the eye makeup? plastic surgery? leaner face?) and decides to move to Shanghai and discover his roots. I won't go into any further detail about the movie because it's annoying me just to think about it. Kelly Hu has an accent in this movie that reminds of what people who aren't Asian feel like Asian people sound like and basically she sleeps with Liam (the main guy) even though she's a lot hotter than him and she has a sugar daddy boyfriend who she hopes will provide for her poor brothers and sisters. In the end, Liam decides to move back to LA. and ends up with Hayden who at this point may be legal. This movie was being touted as a great example of Asian cinema (at least to those presenting the movie at the Imagineasian Theater) and certainly the main character is humorous and charismatic and gets the women and is screwed up and somewhat interesting which is a different and unique portrayal of Asian men in the movies. However, I wonder what exactly is it supposed to mean that he ends up with the underage blonde who calls him "bunny"? I have really digressed now but if you want to read more about the movie, go here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0469184/.

Back to "Heroes", I am loving Hiro in Japan and David Anders as Kensei. Hiro always brings the humor to the show and he's just so darn cute. I have loved David Anders since he was evil Sark on "Alias" so I'm just happy to see him end up on a good show. As for Peter "I got a really great personal trainer this year along with amnesia" Pettrelli, I love his haircut. He's never looked better. He needs to get back together with Alexis Bledel b/c she is looking fantastic these days too and they were a great looking couple. Plus, while she is younger than Milo, it doesn't creep me out to think of them as a couple as it does with him and Hayden. Unless of course, those page six rumors are true and he is a girlfriend beater which I sincerely hope is not the case.

Rock of Love

I watched finale to this good/bad show last night as well. Bret Michaels actually seems fairly sincere and despite the fact that he never takes off his bandana and asked the final 2 women if they would consider both being his girlfriend (oh he kids he kids, it's just a final test! b/c he's just that clever and sneaky and wily. Axl Rose has nothing on this dude!), I want the dude to find a special lady. And he made the right decision. He chose Jes (one s please) over Heather the manly stripper with the self proclaimed "fuck me" hair. This was apparently a soul wrenching decision for Bret although it was pretty clear to me when Heather tattooed "Bret" on the back of her neck, that there was no way in hell she would end up winning his heart. Jes is cool, seems level-headed, and actually appears to be naturally pretty. That is which an accomplishment considering her hair is bleached blonde and hot pink. Good choice Bret. Rock on! May you and Jes spend many a day listening to your new music which pretty much sounds like 10 million variations of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Kudos on the fact that your show is far more sincere than "Scott Baio is 40 and a Douche" er I mean "Single", far more classy than "I Love New York", and less uncomfortable than "Flava of Love".