TV Guide Shocker Indeed

TV Guide just released some shocking news and it's not even about a television show. TV Guide's official scoop-master/ resident egomaniac, Michael Ausiello is leaving to go work for Entertainment Weekly. WTF!!???!!

I'm distressed somewhat by this news. I used to be a big fan of Ausiello. I laughed at his jokes, read his spoilers religiously, contemplated sending him Snapple, and once went to a TV Guide holiday party with the hopes that I might run into the man. His job was a dream job to me, his loves (Lauren Graham, etc) were my loves. But somewhere along the line, the love went sour. I would probably pinpoint it to about 1, 1 1/2 years ago when I found myself truly tiring of his schtick. His columns seemed to revolve more around praise and insults directed at him rather than the TV show gossip that I was looking for. If you only have so much space to answer questions, why would you clog up essential room with comments from readers declaring their affection for this pseudo-celebrity. In fact, it seems like Michael Ausiello has been working very hard recently to cultivate this image of himself as a legitimate celebrity (pushing for votes for sexiest vegetarian and so on). Of course, there are famous writers and I certainly even have my favorite magazine writers, but Ausiello was just so shameless and self-indulgent that he crossed over from lovable minx to annoying pixie in a very short span of time. And now to hear that he is moving over to my favorite entertainment magazine on the planet? Oh, it's just dreadful. Perhaps EW will reign in the ego as their focus is more on the material and digging deeper into entertainment stories rather than throwing in a lot of silly jokes and cheap spoilers to make up for substance. All I can say is, Michael Ausiello, you are no Dalton Ross. You are no Ken Tucker. And you sure as hell are no Mark Harris. However, you are still superior to Scott Brown (god he annoys me). So reign in your Smurf love and your ego stroking and stick to entertaining readers with substance and not fluff. I'm hoping that this is a great growth opportunity and will allow you to put more journalistic ambition into your articles. However, if I start reading about your partner's stationary line in the pages of EW, I will seriously consider cancelling my subscription.

Article:

http://community.tvguide.com/blog-entry/TVGuide-News-Blog/Todays-News/Ausiello-Exit-Shocker/800040484

MTV Guide has a new frenemy: Michael Ausiello is joining Entertainment Weekly, after eight fantastic years as our resident scooper. "Michael has been a great reporter and a great friend," says TVGuide.com editor-in-chief Christy Tanner. "We wish him the best, and promise that we won’t miss a beat delivering all the great scoop you’re used to on TVGuide.com."

Hello Kitty-chan! Kawaii!!

I was informed by a reliable source that Hello Kitty was just named Japan's tourism ambassador (other goodwill ambassadors include PUFFY AMIYUMI AHHH!!!!!). This is pretty adorable as is the picture in the article even if I do prefer my Kitty to be tiny rather than life sized. But why does Hello Kitty reside in London? I feel like London is too stuffy for this feisty feline.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080519/ap_on_fe_st/japan_hello_kitty

Miley Cyrus Picturegate 2008

Everyone is freaking out over Miley Cyrus's "racy" pictures, most recently in a "Vanity Fair" spread. I've seen a couple of the shots and the main cover is not bad in my opinion. OMG news at 11, Miley Cyrus has a back! The more offensive picture is Miley with her daddy, achy breaky heart and mullet aficionado Billy Ray. Miley is showing midriff and draped across her dad and the overall effect is creepy and vaguely sexual. I don't care if you want to lie on your teenage boyfriend's lap or share candy with your slutty looking friend or expose your lime green bra to the public Miley. But a little bit of career advice for you: don't pose in pictures where you look like lovers with your father!!! It weirds people out!

If for some reason, you are really interested in Miley's photo shoot with "Vanity Fair," here is a slideshow.

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2008/06/miley_slideshow200806

9021-Ho: Shenae Grimes join the 90210 spin-off

I kid, I kid. I'm a huge "Degrassi: The Next Generation" fan. How is it that Canadians go there so much better than the rest of us?

It was just announced that Shenae Grimes of Degrassi will be joining the 90210 spin-off playing Lori Loughlin's (Aunt Becky) wholesome teenage daughter who moves to Beverly Hills. It was the role that was rumored to belong to Hilary Duff and is also probably the Brenda Walsh role back when Aaron Spelling cared about Brenda being remotely likable.

http://community.tvguide.com/blog-entry/TVGuide-Editors-Blog/Ausiello-Report/Ausiello-Scoop-Shenae/800038498

For those of you unfamiliar with the genius that is Degrassi, Shenae (you gotta love a white girl named Shenae!) plays/played Darcy, the super-religious cheerleader who gets herself into sticky situations. Now these sticky situations go beyond finding "the perfect cheer." Our girl Darcy took racy pictures and posted them online and some creepy old dude came to her house. Then she went on a ski trip where she got drugged, raped, and may have gotten an STD? She hid what happened from mostly everyone and also attempted suicide (or at least considered it). She then tried to hit on her teacher who she had confided the truth about her situation to, then subsequently got him suspended when he tried to get her to talk to her parents about her issues. In a rage, she chopped off a clump of her hair. Eventually, she cleared the teacher but I'm not sure if she ever told her parents the truth (I missed quite a few episodes the last season). Darcy is not my favorite Degrassi character, but I think Shenae is pretty and a decent actress so this is a good opportunity for her. She resembles Lori Loughlin and I think I'd rather see break through to the masses in the U.S. than that annoying chubby girl who plays Paige on Degrassi (who was featured in that Antonio Banderas dance movie). I still won't watch the 90210 spin-off though because I'm really way too old to watch such drivel. As is, I can only comfort myself with the knowledge that I am Degrassi fan because it's "foreign". And umm, I only watch "Gossip Girl" for the scenes of NYC.

Mentiroso Mentiroso Pantalones en Fuego?

So if you are like me, you have probably read a few Augusten Burroughs "memoirs." I started out with "Dry" one summer because the Monmouth County library was out of my first choice, the far more famous, career making book "Running with Scissors." "Dry" was fine but I was always peeved at the fact that in reviews or book blurbs, people kept comparing Burroughs to David Sedaris. Let's be frank, that is outrageous. Burroughs is nowhere near as funny or clever or charming as David Sedaris (plus I think it's pretty much clear in Sedaris's work that he is a flagrant exaggerator). "Dry" revolved around Burroughs' plummet into the bowels of addiction with his alcoholism tanking his lucrative advertising career as well as his ability to entertain in the home (I seem to recall his apartment was flooded with red wine bottles and he went to a meeting with fancy jewelry company clients with the scent of booze coming out of his pores. Cue Summer Roberts "umm ew"). "Dry" had a few amusing observations and passages, but overall was just a decent read. There is something about Burroughs' style and stories that seem very manufactured and false. This was further confirmed when I finally read "Running with Scissors." I didn't get the hype with this book. It had more humor than "Dry" but even more so I felt somewhat deceived. Burroughs is so detailed and precise and his life is so unbelievable that.......I just don't believe it. Of course, you need to take every memoir with a grain of salt. Details are fudged, memory fails, stories are subject to your interpretation of events. No one goes around with a video camera and a tape recorder 24/7 in the hopes of one day writing a precise memoir. However, with all the recent attention heaped upon James Frey and Margaret Seltzer, people are scrutinizing memoirs and viewing them with more distrust than ever before. These are sort of thorny issues. What is the line between exaggeration and misrepresentation of facts? Is it when living people are falsely portrayed? Is it mixing up names and dates and places?

When I heard that Burroughs is coming out with a new book focused on his harsh and oftentimes difficult relationship with his absentee father, I felt these old feelings of annoyance rise to the surface once again. While before, I was not too keen on his style and not that interested in anything he had to say about his life, I now felt as though I wanted to see him exposed. Sure, there was that "Vanity Fair" expose in 2007 that shed light on the lawsuit brought against Burroughs by the family that is featured in "Running with Scissors", but I needed more. Burroughs denies fictionalizing or sensationalizing his memoirs despite the fact that he must now call them "books". These denials are what perturb me. Yesterday, NYMag arrived and the headline said something to effect of "Augusten Burroughs get the Polygraph Treatment". Now, yes maybe I'm too literal a person, but I thought for a minute the man was finally undergoing a polygraph test. I'm not a proponent of the polygraph typically. There is a reason why results are inadmissible in court and you can certainly pass/fail questions due to nerves or skill, so they aren't scientifically foolproof. However, I thought it would be very juicy indeed to pin Burroughs down. Unfortunately, it's just the writer of the article's internal polygraph that fluctuates throughout the article. Blah! Can anyone make this man take a polygraph?!? Can we get some crossover promotion with St. Martin's Press and "Moment of Truth"?

What do you all think about Augusten Burroughs? Are you guys fans? Do you think he's a liar? Does it matter?

Sweet Valley High: Version 2.0

So I read today that Random House is updating the classic teen girl series "Sweet Valley High." Admission: I loved loved loved the SVH books when I was growing up. I started reading them when I was about 7 or 8 and I kept reading them embarrassingly until I was probably 17 years old (relax people, I also read real books too). I like the idea of twins who were so close yet different: scheming Jessica and goody two shoes Elizabeth. Even though they had different interests and personalities, they were always there to help each other out and pretend to be the other one in a crisis. It was like that Amy Adams/Kristen Wiig SNL skit except the Wakefield's schemes actually worked.... and one of the twins didn't get fat in high school. They had a lot of frivolous stories (Jessica gives the family food poisoning when she pries open shellfish! Someone starts a rumor in the slam books! Jessica gets sabotaged at a beauty pagent!) but some were serious (Deaf Regina Morrow dying of a drug overdose her first time trying coke.). So even though they were not necessarily "quality" books for children, I have fond memories of them.

Now for those of you who aren't familiar with the Wakefield twins, these are their distinguishing characteristics.

Jessica-5'6", dimple on cheek, CA tan, "perfect size 6", wears gold laverie necklace which was a gift from her parents, drives a red fiat, not great in school, loves to perform, is boy crazy, best friend is Lila Fowler

Elizabeth-5'6", dimple on cheek, CA tan, "perfect size 6", wears gold laverie necklace which was a gift from her parents, drives a red fiat, smart and serious, writes for the school paper, boyfriend is Todd Wilkins (with a brief stint with Jeffrey...French was it?), best friend is Enid "I used to be wild but now I'm a bore" last name unimportant

Now, please note the "perfect size 6" in quotation marks. That isn't my opinion, it was the writers of SVH and the time period I suppose. But with this new update (you can't even call it a re imagining b/c it sounds like the details changed are minor and silly), the twins are now a "perfect size 4" and drive a jeep and have a blog.

Come on! Are you telling me some 14 yr old girl who picks up a SVH book today and reads the words Fiat, suddenly says, "This book is like sooo unrealistic. Who drives a Fiat anymore? I need to get me some 'Gossip Girls' books instead. They have monkeys and bisexuality!"

Plus why is Levin Rambin the cover girl? She plays twins on AMC and now she is portraying the Sweet Valley twins? Couldn't they hire real twins? Wouldn't that save time and photoshop edits? I like Levin the actress actually and she is a legitimate teen but I feel like she's an odd choice to be Elizabeth and Jessica.

Here is the article that caught my eye:

http://gawker.com/5004617/random-house-proudly-promoting-eating-d

The comments are hilarious though:

While we're at it, can we get Social Services to help The Boxcar Children?

since she now works on the school website and not the school newspaper will SVH be available in a podcast or for download online??

In the 2008 version, The Baby-Sitters Club becomes a covert name for a high-priced prostitution ring, including members "Kristy," "Mallory," "Stacy" and sweet "Mary Anne."

-Coo coo note: I have always imagined a Baby-Sitters Club update to be more like this: Kristy goes the "L Word" route, Claudia is hiding marijuana in her hollowed out Nancy Drew book, Mallory's mother commits suicide after having 10 children and leave Mallory to raise them, Stacy not only is diabetic but also has ADD, Dawn embarks on a torrid affair with a young teacher, and Mary Anne finds out her beloved dead mother was having an affair with Kristy's dad around the time she was born.

Note: Do not, I repeat do not confuse "Sweet Valley High" with "Sweet Valley Twins." Twins is based on their lives in middle school which were even too boring for me when I was in elementary school. I thought the Unicorn Club was cheesy and I wanted the books to be more scandalous, thus my love of SVH. Don't even get me started on "Sweet Valley Kids" when they were in second grade.